Inside chaos - chos inside

I have not written for a while, probably because I was too much on the run to find myself again, too find the right path further, to get used to newness, to get used to a new me, to a new environment, to a new story...

Truth is, I missed my self lately...I forgot or better said I was woried to spend time with myslef, to sit with myself, to sit with a fake, supperficial order I imposeed to myself.

Consciusly or unconsciously driven, this buble bursted and I finally accepted, or finally had to have the courage to look into the chaos, my own chaos. And as couple of times before, manage to dance with it.

It probably helps to be surrounded by chaos, when everything around us is chaos, we find it easyer to accept our own.

Transcendence

Reflection - Personal experience ITC 2007!

Ten days have past since the Congress is over. Eversince, I tried to reconnect emotionally, to refeel what happened there, to smell the sea again, to touch the sand and more over to feel again the energy of 120 people feeling and singing together ONE. I can not!!! Not at all! I read about all the feelings shared by delegates and facis and I'm angry I can not re-call any moments more than rational, more than the way I recall a dream.

I remember quite good one moment, walking alone from the beach after the closing plenaty, taking the back way. I felt like waking up after intensly dreaming ITC. I felt nothing was real but just in my head.

Seeing some of the people around for the next day, reading the e-mail and posts of the people that dreamed the same dream, confused me, left me speechless... Until today when I read by chance an older reflection on a conference experience and I found the answer.

It is called TRANSCENDENCE.
And I believe in transcendence through vision. I believe we can connect to a "higher-self", a "self" that only takes action towards the set vision, a self that has only one mission and acts only according to that. ITC got me into this state! A state of 200% presence in there and no where else where I usually seem to be! I was not beyond Alexis.

The budhist tradition talks about the absence of self! When you realize that you are all and nothing, wholeness and nothingness.
So at ITC it was me and it wasn't me anymore - it was a higher me: the whole and the nothing!

I woke up on Sunday morning and it was wired since than! I came back to the "little old me", with the memories of a dream. ITC was dream that showed me once more the power of being human, that showed me once more the power ant the value of true humanity, that showed me the best microcosm of a perfect world, the most inclusive and supportive environment I have experienced!

More than anything else ITC showed me that the change in society I envision it's possible! ITC showed me that my mission it is meaningfull and more than that it's possible! ITC showed me that transcendence is possible and can be realized by living "present in your authentic self"!
Be present! Be authentic! Be inclusive!
It is possible!

...me...

My Vision
Sustainable Evolution
Contribute to increase the meaningfulness in the world and the humanity in human being by enabling people to discover the deep interconnectivity that unites us, enabling them to see from the whole and lead from within.

My Mission
Create enabling spaces and processes to bring people together:
- to experience new ways of interacting
- to discover and strengthen their inner-self and the inner-self of others
- to learn to use and apply the power of collective thinking .

My Life
A learning journey, a journey of self discovery and contribution.

My Self
„I'm an ALIVE human being,
Nothing which is human is unknown (strange) to me.
I barely have time to wonder that I exist
But I'm always happy to BE"
(Nichita Stanescu - Romanian poet)

Question.Letting Go

"An invitation: Let go into unlearning, give up being clever, seek what is truly meaningful to you, and enter the beautiful dance of learning and unlearning where life is unfolding."

I'm thinking so much about the concept of letting go and its value. I'm promoting it to everybody and especially to myself.
Still as much as I'm thinking of it as many questions come into my mind. Let me capture just some of them:

• Is letting go real letting go? Or it is actually running into something else?
• Are there limits of letting go? And if not how about the moral standards? How about our effect on people that might be hurt by our moments of letting go?
• Are we as human beings really capable of letting go? And I mean here a continuous state of letting go.
• Can it happen that we try so hard to let go till we can not find the things we let go anymore?

One might say, we do not need answers to this questions, we just need to let go, this is the whole point! We need to stay with the question mark and enjoy the feeling!
...But it is so difficult! So difficult!

“On the other side of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I will meet you there.” —Rumi

Synchronicity

"grateful... for the fact that I met such an inspiration.(...) helped me get so much more clarity (...) not so often in our world that somebody is acknowledging your humanity and admires you for your emotions (...) crossing my path in such an important moment for myself(...) will walk tohether"

"feel immediately that there is something special (...)and you can see and feel a fire (...) having met - a gift i will handle with great sensibility, care...(...) an inner shining for me!"

(Nur wer bewegt ist, kann bewegen!)

Clarity in Chaos

(SOLUTION Conference Reflection Personal Notes 8.02.2007)

I hardly can recall any other moment in my life when I felt so much meaning inside myself and in what I am doing. I hardly can recall any other moment in my life when I felt I'm really walking on the right path; a path that seemed un-walked but where I am amazed from time to time to find a beautiful "other". It is such a warm feeling to see that you are not walking alone, to see how out of nowhere someone else is coming out of the dark walking along. It gives you so much strength.

The Solution Conference was for me an event that enabled me to see, to see my path clearer, to see clearer where it leads, to see that there are other people walking on it, some ahead, some nearby, some behind - but feeling, sensing these connections to all, feeling their souls craving for the same sun. It is difficult to describe the fulfillment, the warmth inside.

All this feel like a big secret or better said, a big mystery was revealed to myself: the moment when everything makes sense, when there is no single detail in the picture of my life that is random.

But I know that the chaos will come back. I pre-sense it...yet I've learned not to be afraid anymore, I've learned to embrace it...

"As out of chaos we were born / And will return to chaos"

Enjoy the journey!

Craving for the sun

(SOLUTION Conference Reflection Personal Notes 5.02.2007)

I tried to disconnect today, the first day after the conference. I wanted to have a smooth return to "life as usual" after living in such a state of intensity during SOLUTION.

I believe in transcendence through vision, I believe one can get in a state of "wholeness" while working with whole soul for what he/she believes in. From there comes all the fire and glancing, all that energy... from the fact that the action comes purely from within.

But these moments are temporary and everyone is sentenced to get back to the life as usual; to get back from a state of "God" to his or her weaknesses, to get back to the daily fight to stand straight in the middle of the river craving for the sun, for the next moment of shining as pure being.

The final state of the SOULUTION 2007 community, of all the people present was wonderful. I saw each and every person there, glancing; a community of people that understand the nobility of human nature, that feel part of the human family; a community of beautiful human beings hungry for light and connection. Once one has this image deep inside his/her soul, will act for the betterment of everyone.

And this is how I see my mission: to enable the people to blossom and to see the beauty in themselves and others; to enable people to embrace their humanity to embrace humanity.

Craving for the sun... Embracing humanity...

Value: LOVE

Love ... the purest, most intense, most transformative experience.

I believe in LOVE, I cherish LOVE, I value LOVE and I am happy to love again... much more intense, much deeper, more natural, more free, more trustfull, more connected.

A love that makes me grow, a love that makes me understand, a love that makes me come closer to the essence: LOVE.

In love I do not belong entirely to myself anymore. It's the most exciting process of LETTING GO, of letting my soul in the hends of the other, of understanding that without love I am nothing. And from understanding this, I make the biggest mistake: I feel affraid, I feel paranoid of falling out of love, of loosing... I feel I need to be in control... in control of myself, in control of the other, in control of love...
AND here I fail: there is no love in control. Love is free, love i emarging out of 2 souls searching for one another, love a resoult of 2 hearts that found eachother, love can only be "contrloed" by love. In love the secret is let go and believe, stay close, keep the intense connection, let your soul dance with its soul-mate in the dark...

LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO...LOVE... LET GO... LOVE... LET GO...

Requiem for love

Have you ever thought about the picture of a love that dies?
Have you ever imagined love bleeding its life away?
Have you ever imagined the death of love?

Is one of the saddest paintings I've ever painted (so far just in my imagination)...
Blood-drop by blood-drop love's death is burning my soul... Leaving me empty near love's dead body.

And empty as I am guilt comes inside me... I am the criminal, at least one of them... And I wonder:

For how long the memories will haunt me?
For how long the pain will stay?
For how long the requiem for love will be the only music I will hear?

Requiem for love...
Requiem for love...
Requiem for love...

Do YOU hear it?